Ineluctable
by Meredith Paris
Summary: She’s careful to come in the times that Detective Goren isn’t there. Her visits are short and quiet – for the most part. ineluctable: incapable of being evaded; inescapable: an ineluctable destiny.
1. Chapter 1

_Title: _Ineluctable

_Author:_ Meredith Paris

_Rating: _PG/K+/FRT

_Characters:_ Felicity Lynch; Bobby Goren; Frances Goren; Donny Goren; Ben & Jamie Deschanel, Kimberly & Henry Lynch; Jimmy, Angie, & Abbey Deakins.  
_Pairing:_ n/a  
_Word Count:_ 789; according to OpenOffice.  
_Summary:_ She's careful to come in the times that Detective Goren isn't there. Her visits are short and quiet – for the most part. _**ineluctable**_: incapable of being evaded; inescapable: _an ineluctable destiny. _Definition from dictionary (dot) com.  
_Warning/Spoilers:_ You know what? Let's just say all of the seasons of CI.  
_Disclaimer:_ Law & Order: Criminal Intent and all recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf, Wolf Films production, Universal Media Studios, NBC Universal, et al. No harm is meant or intended.  
_Author's Note: _Thanks to Kiera Kingsley, Alamo Girl, Katertots, and Kait for the beta, read through, and cheer leading.

***

She's careful to come in the times that Detective Goren isn't there. Her visits are short and quiet – for the most part. After Ben finds out that she was a librarian, Felicity reads to her. Those visits in which Felicity reads tend to be longer; but she's careful not to leave any mark of her being there.

Felicity wonders what Frances Goren would make of her only granddaughter. Ben's research - for it has been extensive and involving half the firm – shows that the only two grandchildren Frances Goren has are she and a boy named Donny.

The alarm on her phone vibrates and she closes the book, taking a moment to watch her grandmother's chest rise and fall. Soon Ben will be where Frances is, lying silently in a hospital bed. Only with Ben, Felicity won't have to sneak in and have her visits end too soon.

Sliding on her coat, she contemplates how all this came to be. Frances having her mother, putting Kimberly up for adoption, and then having Kimberly and Gary DeGraw adopt the little girl. Kimberly meeting Henry Lynch in a stalled elevator; her father proposing, three years later, on the same elevator (which was working again.) Then four years later, her parents having her.

The plane crash happened when she was eight. Felicity doesn't remember much of her parents' funeral – just the sun reflecting off her parents' caskets; the priest's words all running together; the smell of the flowers from the memorial bouquets and baskets; the feeling of the dirt sliding through her fingers.

She had to go through it again when Jamie died. That funeral was somewhat worse than her parents'. Her parents named Jamie and Ben as her legal guardians; Jamie had been a friend of Kimberly's the majority of her mom's life. In Jamie's death, she had lost the last link to her mom. Felicity's not certain if she can make a link with Detective Goren – or if she wants to.

Taking one last look at Frances, Felicity leaves the hospital room, closing the door behind her. In the hallway, she spots Detective Goren and Felicity fights the urge to run in the opposite direction. He doesn't know who she is yet; Ben promises to let her know when he contacts him.

Detective Goren looks…sturdy but yet as if one good push will break him down. She sees the flash of a badge when his coat parts open and the scarier flash of a gun. He looks sad and fragile but it looks as if he's trying to project a strong persona. He walks into Frances' room and Felicity walks to the elevators.

In the main entrance of the hospital, she sees Abbey standing there, picking a fingernail.

"Hi," Felicity says and Abby looks up.

"My dad dropped me off," Abbey Deakins offers in way of explanation as to why she's here. Felicity simply nods.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" Felicity asks. "I'm starving."

"Lunch sounds great." Abbey's face breaks into a smile and the two girls exit.

The next time she sees Detective Goren is at Frances' funeral. It's small and Felicity's certain she and Ben stick out like a sore thumb. She really can't say what she's feeling at this funeral for a grandmother she didn't know. All she knows is that she doesn't want to go through this ever again. Ben's oncologist and the news he delivered today tell her differently.

She sees Jimmy and Angie in the reception line and catches Angie's confused look at her. Felicity mouths 'Later' and Angie returns her attention back to her husband.

After the funeral, Angie and Jimmy Deakins approach Felicity and Ben. In an hour's conversation, the news that Ben imparts leaves them stunned.

"Felicity, if you need anything, you let us know. Okay?" This is an offer that Angie Deakins has made numerous times, and Felicity is grateful to the mother of her best friend.

"Thanks Angie," Felicity replies as she zips up her coat.

"Bobby Goren is a good man." Jimmy assures her right before he and his wife leave.

Ben and Felicity discuss and then agree that they can't contact him while he's on suspension. The courts, Ben unofficially and stealthily finds out, are cautious about giving the custody over to Detective Goren. They decide that if (but really when) any thing starts to happen to Ben, she'll stay with the Deakins while things are settled with Detective Goren. The Deakins have been offering since the beginning but the state of New York likes to see orphans placed with known blood relatives rather than everything-but-blood relatives.

Felicity gets a phone call six weeks later that Ben is being admitted to the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

_Title_: Ineluctable, Chapter Two

_Author_: Meredith Paris

_Rating_: PG/K+/FRT

_Characters_: Felicity Lynch; Abbey, Angie, & Jimmy Deakins; Ben Deschanel; Bobby Goren; Andrew Lane.

_Pairing_: n/a.

_Spoiler Warnings_: Chapter One of Ineluctable. All the seasons of CI.

_Word Count_: 707; according to OpenOffice.

_Summary_: The more the months pass, the more Felicity hopes that she can stay with the Deakins and not be placed with Detective Goren.

_Disclaimer_: Law & Order: Criminal Intent and all recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf, Wolf Films production, Universal Media Studios, NBC Universal, et al. No harm is meant or intended.

_Author's Note_: As always, a huge thank you to Alamo Girl and Bean for the beta jobs. If there are any errors that remain, they are solely my fault. daf9, this one's for you.

***

The more the months pass, the more Felicity hopes that she can stay with the Deakins and not be placed with Detective Goren. As horrible as the circumstances have been, she's been happy living with them. She's gotten a whole (but ultimately temporary) family and she doesn't want to give it up. But the phone call that came at seven o'clock three months after Ben was placed in the nursing home made the lawyers speed up the process. At least they didn't approach her the week following the funeral. She supposes Jimmy and Angie have something to do with that. Which is another reason why she doesn't want to leave. She has relatively few memories of her parents and she thinks that Angie and Jimmy would make a good mom and dad.

The voice mail left on her phone tells her otherwise. Andrew Lane, the lawyer who took over the case when Ben couldn't, called and said that they were setting up a meeting with Detective Goren; would she please call and they could figure out a time to schedule that appointment. She sinks down onto the swing that's too small for her and wraps her fingers around the strings connecting it to the tree branch. Felicity doesn't want this – she wants her life back, she wants her parents back. She doesn't want an uncle she knows nothing about other than what she's been able to find on the Internet and newspaper articles, and what Jimmy's been able to tell her.

"Andrew called. He wants to schedule a meeting with Detective Goren," Felicity says to Abbey as the crack of a branch gives Abbey away.

"Oh," Abbey says carefully.

"Yeah…I haven't called him back yet."

"How come?" Abbey asks cautiously after a moment.

"Because I don't want this! I want my old life back! I want my parents and Jamie and Ben to be alive! I don't want to be an orphan! I just…" Here Felicity breaks down and starts crying. Even though Abbey will never admit it, she's relieved to see Felicity crying. Her best friend has a way of bottling things up and compartmentalizing them. Abbey still doesn't know how Felicity really feels about her parents' deaths.

"I don't want an uncle that I know nothing about and who knows nothing about me." Felicity isn't so clear, what with the tears and all but Abbey's able to guess.

"Hey, I'll be here. I'll always be here," Abbey reminds her as she walks closer to Felicity.

Felicity shakes her head. "No you won't. My parents thought they would be here forever. They aren't. Jamie and Ben thought they would be here forever. They weren't." Standing up, Felicity knocks away the tears on her face and wipes her arm under her nose. "Tell your mom I don't want supper," Felicity says as she passes Abbey.

"Dammit," Abbey swears when the back porch door closes.

Twenty minutes later, Felicity has given her schedule to Andrew Lane who has promised to call her when the meeting is scheduled. She's curled up on her bed, in a fetal position, with a pillow clutched to her chest when there's a knock at the door.

"Come in," she says. In this household, she has learned that Angie Deakins will keep knocking until she gets permission to enter. So usually, it's just easier to let her come in on the first knock. There's a rattling of silverware and the clinking of a utensil against a bowl.

"I know you told Abbey you didn't want any supper but I thought I would heat up some left over chicken noodle soup. There's also some of Theresa's mistake bread along with apple butter on this," Angie explains as she enters the room. Felicity nods in response as Angie approaches her.

"I know it's tough sweetie but you're a strong girl." Angie sets the tray down on the dresser across the room from the bed, strokes Felicity's hair, and quietly leaves.

She doesn't want to be strong. She just wants to be normal and have a normal family. She doesn't want to be the potential poster child for how to survive life with Fate throwing curve balls at you every chance it gets.

She just wants…


End file.
